This Is What Women Are Doing Wrong When It Arrives To Online Dating( According To Men)

I have a question for you ladies. Hows online dating going? Is your inbox appearing empty? Do you wonder why he stopped texting? Why he didnt want a second date? Maybe youre stimulating some blunders when using the internet to discovery a relationship. I entail, weve all probably constructed dating blunders right? Profiles, first impressions, textingits a learn curve. Do you want to hear what guys think are the biggest online dating blunders make use of women?

I did so I asked some guys about their online dating experiences.

Meet the Panel( names have been changed to protect the innocent. They still need to get dates, you know ?)

Duke : Duke is currently single. He was with his ex for fourteen years and has an eight-year-old son. He tried online dating for about five months before hed “ve had enough”. He likes to keep first dates simple.

Ryder : He is dad to two teenage girl children and divorced for five years. Hobbies include the outdoors and sports. He has had a girlfriend for about two years who he did not gratify online.

Rhett : Rhett is a professional hacker. Yes, its a real undertaking. He has two children, nine years apart. He gratified his current girlfriend on OKCupid. Theyve been together about a year and a half.

Pip : Lately single after ten years of matrimony with a ten-year-old son. He has been dating online for about six months. Hes had some good dates, but nothing has stuck.

Without further ado, heres what they told me 😛 TAGEND

Your Photos

Unsurprisingly, all of the guys we talked to want current, honest photos. And not just a headshot. Why not a headshot? I think you know why. They want to see our bodies. That doesnt mean theyre superficial and merely want a supermodel. Some humen like that, sure, but some humen just want a woman whose height and weight are proportional. Some humen guess big is beautiful. They just want to know what the whole package looks like before they write.

Ryder tells, Dont fill your profile with selfies. This induces you look narcissistic . Dating Coach Laurie Davis agrees. On the Match.com blog she tells, One or two wont make-or-break your first digital impression, but its more important you show off some other angles in addition to your selfie. Guys want to see what your bod looks like, so make sure you have at least one full body photo uploaded. Its the photo we find is the most important.

Try not to take photos simply of your boob. Or at that particular overhead angle which shows your face( and induces you look ultra skinny) and dedicates an ample boob opinion. Sure, most men like boob, but aim to show more of your personality with your pics. Look nice, smile. Dont treat your photos like youre the sum of your bra size.

Your Profile

Talk more about who you are rather than what you want from a man . They dont want to hear what they could and should be doing for you. They want to know what your personality is like, your interests, objectives, what you want out of life. You can tell them what traits you want in a man, but dont write about all the ways he can serve your needs. In fact, your profile should be 75% about you, and 25% about the type of person youre seeking.

They want you to be unique, to be yourself. Everyone is happy, likes music, movies and walkings on the beach. Add details. Liking Willie Nelson is much different than 5 Finger Death Punch. What kind of movies? What are your favorites? Tell them interesting things about yourself. Do you have a cool pastime? Volunteer somewhere? What various kinds of activities do you enjoy that arent a clich? Back it up with pictures.

Avoid being too unique though i.e. weird. Duke sent me a couple paintings from Tinder. In one photo a woman is brandishing her fists. Spelled out in black ink( I hope to holy hell it isnt a tattoo) across her thumbs were the words Fist Slut. I inquired as to what it meant. Duke said, I didnt have the nerve to ask. I dont blamed him.

Another image he sent me indicated a woman dressed as a naughty nurse. Under her scene she wrote that she is the wife of Satan. She then went on to talk about all the people she loved in life, and that if you didnt like it you could BLEEP off and BLEEP on a BLEEP of BLEEP. Then she said, Add me, I love and accept everyone. Um, genuinely?

Yeah, so dont be that unique. Thats scary unique.

Pip once read a profile that said, Im in an open relationship and practise ethical non-monogamy. Um, WTH? Is Gwyneth Paltrow dating online now? Maintain it real . You dont need frilly words to say you have permission to cheat on each other. Duke stated, Honesty is huge ! He has come across women that lie even about small things, which is stupid, which brings me to the next point the perfect profile. The one in which the woman is gorgeous, fit, wealthy, well-traveled, with the ideal personality . I would be skeptical. Very skeptical. No one is this perfect. If all of this is true, I would guess you are a heinous b* tch or completely unstable.

These humen arent alone. According to research done at the University of Iowa, daters prefer authentic rather than perfect profiles. They tend to stay away from those that appear too good to be true, because, well, they are generally are.

About Your Criteria And How You Interact With Your Dating Site Of Choice

Men think you choose poorly when it comes to dating. Rhett and Ryder both think youre too picky. Ryder said women go for the bad boys or men that sweet talk them to get their foot in the door. I for one know that this can be true. I fell for it myself.

When I date online, I have certain standards. Must have undertaking. Must have place to live. Must have transportation. Must live in my city. Must not have children under the age of 12. Must not have pets( though I changed that last one because I pretty much ruled out 98% of men ). Well, this guy who transgressed pretty much all of my dating criteria, plus a bad boy, buttered me up, boosted my ego, and constructed empty promises. No undertaking, young kid, cat, lived outside my geographical areaneedless to say, it didnt last very long. I do miss his Harley though.

Rhett said that since women get so many more messages than humen, they will first hit up those with fund and/ or appears instead of assessing the whole profile before selecting someone to respond to. Well, duh. Okay, thats harsh, but severely, he has a point. There is more to a man than his gorgeous face and abs. I think we all know that.

Maybe we shouldnt be so fast to judge the book by its encompas. I entail, if a guy only has photos of himself, all we know about him is visual what he looks like. However, if he has photos of pets, vacations, activities, pastimes, we can sense a little better, who he is as a person.

So, if rock-hard-ab guy only has pictures of himself at the gym, drinking beers, or hanging out with his buddies, then he might not be all that profound or all that interested in get serious. Might want to swipe left and move on.

Ryder also says he doesnt like it when women fill out every personality test, every compatibility questionnaire, and answer every match question . He thinks it comes off as desperate, needy and perhaps just a little bit deranged. I kind of like the questions on OkCupid, but to be honest, I didnt read the tests and questionnaires on the other sites. Truly, Im not sure anyone would. We are used to instant gratification these days. Do we have “members attention” span to read through an entire test or questionnaire? Okay, perhaps we do, but I bet a bunch of people dont so it anyway.

The Messages

There are two things you should never, ever talk about while messaging with a prospective date.

1. Exes . They dont want to hear how you were done anything wrong, or how he transgressed your heart, or what a douchebag he is. Maintain your ex out of any and all discussion during, before, after or genuinely, EVER with a potential new partner.

2. Marriage . The M term is off limits. Dont talk about was intended to get married someday, or again, or ever. Nothing scares a guy more than the talk of matrimony. Hell be gone faster than you can say I do. He might even desperately want to get married but it has to be his idea.
Other message donts: Dont be too aggressive. And when I say aggressive, I entail dont offer up sex right away. This is a turn off for some guys. Bold is good. Blunt is good. Vulgar is bad. Do not ask someone to come over to your place and* cough* service you if youve never gratified. Yes, some humen might like it, but the ones you might want to take home to Mom they find it icky.

A bad first impression does not make for a second date.

Scheduling The Meet Up

Ladies, always keep in mind that the point of online dating is ultimately to meet people. Our panel guys all told us that when the messaging has run its course and its time to meet, some women vanish. When that happens, its hard to not feel like youve wasted their time. Why are you even there if you dont want to meet someone in person eventually? Get over any lingering nervousnes, insecurities, and coyness and get your ass out there and gratify the guys youve been talking to!

If youve spent time messaging, texting, or talking to a guy for a period of time, and youre not willing to meet whether it be because youre busy , not that into them, got serious with another guy, whatever, you should tell him and break off communication. You dont have to disclose every little bitty reason, but you should at least tell him something, even if its Yeah, Im going in a different direction. Now, Im not talking about some Joe Schmo you messaged maybe once or twice. Im talking guys that youve had a back and forth exchange with for weeks. Dont just leave them hanging. Dedicate them some closure.

Your First Date

If youre not feeling it for the guy, be honest, but kind. Sometimes the chemistry is just not there and theres nothing wrong with that. Never pretend like it is. You can say it on the date, or if youre uncomfortable with that, you are able to message him afterwards and say there just wasnt a spark.

If you like the guy, stay in the middle ground. Dont cling, but dont be aloof either. Let your actions show him that youre interested. Not so much that he contemplates your potential stalker-ness, but not so inadequately that he thinks you dont like him.

If youre a woman in your forties, beware. Regrettably, some humen automatically think youre insane and flaky. Ive heard this from more than one guy. Im not sure why. It seems many humen have had bad experiences with women that age. So, just some advice, if youre in your forties, you may want to be a little aloof( but still approachable) unless you want to scare your date away. It isnt your fault, its an unfortunate PR problem for your age group, and it sucks, but less so if youre well informed it.

When youre out on a date with a guy, they do not want you to tell them that youre in an open relationship and that your boyfriend is cool with it. This is information that should be given before you both meet in person. Many humen are on dating sites to find true love , not a threesome. Let him decide if whatever youre bringing along is something he wants before you both haul yourselves out in public for the face-to-face session.

This post originally appeared at Attract The One .

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